MISSING
Have you seen this idea?
Last known photograph
- Known as
- The thing you actually think
- Last seen
- In a room, out loud, to 4 people
- Wearing
- Nothing corporate. Possibly swearing.
- Vanished
- After somebody said to make it more professional
- Warning
- May be hiding in 40 posts that all sound fine
- Reward
- 20 minutes of mine. No deck, no questionnaire.
When your name comes up in a room you’re not in, the person recommending you has to improvise. Most people can’t write, and almost none of them know it. At 14, somebody with a red pen taught them to write for a marker instead of a reader. I did this for 3 years. I’d like them back.
| Level | Objective | Your time | Entry |
|---|---|---|---|
| THE BEIGE TEST | TEST YOURSELF | 4 MINUTES | FREE |
| 12 questions, scored, instant verdict. They gave me a plaque that said Head of Beige. Find out how close you are to earning one. | |||
| THE RED PEN | HEAR IT | 30 SECONDS | £49 |
| Send me one post. I mark it up out loud and send you the 15-minute recording. | |||
| THE LAST SIGHTING | SPOT IT | 30 SECONDS | £250 |
| Send me a link. I read your last 20 posts cold and send back a written verdict on where the idea was last seen, and what buried it. | |||
| THE POST-MORTEM | LOCATE IT | 2.5 HOURS | £799 |
| I read everything you’ve published and tell you where the idea was last seen, and what buried it. | |||
| >BE KNOWN FOR SOMETHING | RECOVER IT | 4 x 60 MIN | £2,000 |
| 4 weeks, 1 to 1. You leave with the idea your name can own, the buyer it belongs to, and a 90-day plan for putting it in public. | |||
| THE RUN | KEEP IT ALIVE | 90 MIN / MTH | FR. £899 PM |
| I keep writing it. Done with you, or done for you. Drafts in 5 working days, and nobody ever sees me. | |||
The Ghost · Credits
If it doesn’t sound like you, it doesn’t ship. Rewrites are the work, not an extra. Nothing publishes without your yes. Ghosted means ghosted: NDA on request, and I never claim your work as mine.
Plus VAT. 30 days’ notice, no tie-in. IP assigned to you on payment.
1 buyer. 0 calls.Laura sent the post she nearly binned. It was the one that sounded most like her. Mike read it, went to her DMs, and asked whether they could work together. That’s the whole game.
| Rank | Player | Sector and run | Reach earned |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1ST | LOR | Business development · Feb to Aug 2026New hi-score | 748,700 |
| 2ND | EMM | Leadership · Apr to Aug 2026 | 530,500 |
| 3RD | JUL | GTM and revenue · Aug 2025 to Aug 2026 | 281,706 |
| 4TH | NAT | Accountancy · Apr to Aug 2026 | 235,562 |
| 5TH | LAU | ERP and change · Feb to Aug 2026 | 177,500 |
Reach earned, taken from client analytics exports for the dates stated. Growth and consistency, not revenue, because the revenue is theirs and I don’t claim it. Part of the roster is white label and will never appear here.
Who is holding the pen
25 years a copywriter. 19 of them inside 1 company, where they handed me a leaving plaque that said Head of Beige.
A studio of 1, not an agency. Nobody junior writes your posts, because there is nobody junior. If it doesn’t sound like you, it doesn’t ship.